My New Talent

I have recently, these past couple of weeks, developed the talent of sleep feeding. I have not merely fallen asleep a little as I fed Emerson in the middle of the night, but have dozed off into a deep slumber. One time I didn't even remember getting up to feed him, as I awoke with the excitement that he had slept through the night, only to be crushed as I was reminded that Kyle had to wake me to feed him.

Well, my exhaustion due to balancing the end of the year at work with parenting came to its apex the other night when I was sound asleep after nursing Emerson in his chair. That chair is really comfortable, except that in order to have head support, you have to kind of sit in it sideways and lean up against the back (it is really too smushy to support your head by just leaning back when sitting in it the normal way). I was out for at least a half hour when Kyle crept upstairs to go to bed. Not seeing me in bed, he got confused, and crept into the nursery. The next thing you know, I am having a panic attack and hyper ventilating as I awake from a deep sleep with my husband inches from me reaching out for Emerson.

He does a really good impression.

I just remember not wanting to scream and not being able to fling out my arms because I didn't want to throw Emerson or wake him. It took a matter of time before I could accept the reality of the situation and settle down, although my heart was racing by that point.

Successfully, we did not wake up Emerson, but instead Kyle put him to bed and I put myself to bed.

You should have been there.


Anyway, despite the sleep scare, there have been numerous occasions where I have fallen asleep during the midnight feedings. This is either a sign that I've gotten comfortable with the routine of mothering, or is a true sign of the absolute exhaustion with which I am living my life in a zombie-like state. It is a sad thing that a month ago, Emerson was sleeping from 9-6 without waking, giving me a much needed restful night every night. Then, we returned from Peru, and he has not made it through a night yet.

I want to be the stickler and go back to the sleep-training books I read, letting him cry it out one night and hoping that within a matter of days he learns to make it through the evenings without me. This seems logical as he often falls asleep within minutes of eating anyway, and then seldom notices if I pull the switcheroo and give him the pacifier when I lay him in bed. Then part of me feels like he needs this food to make it through the night, so I don't have the heart (or maybe Kyle doesn't) to sleep through his cries.

So, it is at this point that I am just desperately seeking some good sleep, and have fallen into the stereotypical parenting cliche, going for weeks now without an adequate night's rest, causing carelessness (one broken plate so far), irritability, tears (every day, for any reason), and overall just being unproductive with work and chores.

Napping at day care since he likes to be up at night!

Napping on mom's lap after dinner.

Sleeping in the morning after daddy got me ready for school!

Like father, like son...

And what I probably look like one the majority of nights...

The Life Nocturnal

So, being a mom has brought a whole new meaning to the term "night owl". I have NEVER liked to be the first one asleep. Nor have I been one to enjoy the morning. Thus, the transition from staying up until midnight and sleeping in until nine to going to bed at nine and not sleeping in at all has been a tough one.

I long for nap time on Saturday and Sunday mornings, which begins around 8:00 a.m. (a time at which I would normally still be asleep pre-baby), and lasts until 10:30 or so.

However, we are fortunate in that our little man falls under the "good sleeper" category.

I truly don't mind getting up for my middle-of-the-night feedings. During this time, I have gotten to experience a whole new world. Kind of like when I was on maternity leave and discovered the wonders of daytime T.V., the life nocturnal has allowed me to explore yet another alternative universe.

For instance, at 2:30 in the morning, one can hear their neighbors yelling at their 14-year-old son to come out of his locked room because they are worried about the nature of the note he has written to them on his door.

At 4:00 in the morning, one can hear her other neighbor return home in a taxi after a night at the strip club.

At 6:00 in the morning, one can see a multitude of neighbors walking their dogs past your house, up to the mountain trail, up the mountain trail, and back again.

I have also discovered what so many other moms have talked about in middle-of-the-night feedings. ME time.

That is the time when I can sit in the most comfortable chair in the house, pull up the good ol' Facebook on my phone, catch up on the posts of the day, and relax a bit. I can read hundreds of re-shared links that I would have never given myself the time to read on my old busy schedule. It is because of this "me time" that I learned "Which Disney Princess Are You" and "Which City Should You Live In" (the answers are Belle and Capetown respectively).  I cried over some of the most heart-warming videos and stories I'd ever seen (DAMN YOU Google commercials), and laughed at the most ridiculous of posts that should not have been that funny had it not been 3:15 a.m. and I had only slept 10 hours in the last 38. (Thanksgiving as a Kid vs. Thanksgiving as an Adult on The Oatmeal, for one).

Not only do I do a lot of social networking, reading a bunch of posts, but I am also addicted to a couple of games. 7 Little Words and their Daily Puzzles are my nighttime staple. Then there is Words With Friends. It is amazing that my tired brain can score any points on words, but I think I revert to my English teacher side to play in a half-daze. Last there is Random Mahjong. That little game used to make an hour-long feeding feel like no time whatsoever.

It hasn't all been fun and games, however. My old nightlife was filled with bar time and stupid T.V. My new nightlife has allowed me to research issues I care about. Reading Outside's posts often teach me the power of the position of first responders, or the true danger of living a life of adventure. I have read articles about parenting, making me feel less lost in the process of learning how to be a mom. I feel all around that I have more knowledge about my world and my desire to explore the unknown.

Sadly, these midnight feedings are much shorter these days. It is hard to fit in Pinterest after completing my other steps. I find myself sometimes staying up after Emerson has already fallen back asleep to finish a game, to finish reading a story, or to just enjoy those last few minutes of "me time" in the quiet of the evening. (Even with snores from Kyle emanating from the room next door).

New moms and old moms alike, welcome to the life nocturnal. Now, I hope that I can sleep in just a bit tomorrow so I can fully enjoy my next evening of me time.

The moon over our neighborhood...

And the moon rise over the Superstitions...