The Adventures of Blueberry: My New Talent

I have recently, these past couple of weeks, developed the talent of sleep feeding. I have not merely fallen asleep a little as I fed Emerson in the middle of the night, but have dozed off into a deep slumber. One time I didn't even remember getting up to feed him, as I awoke with the excitement that he had slept through the night, only to be crushed as I was reminded that Kyle had to wake me to feed him.

Well, my exhaustion due to balancing the end of the year at work with parenting came to its apex the other night when I was sound asleep after nursing Emerson in his chair. That chair is really comfortable, except that in order to have head support, you have to kind of sit in it sideways and lean up against the back (it is really too smushy to support your head by just leaning back when sitting in it the normal way). I was out for at least a half hour when Kyle crept upstairs to go to bed. Not seeing me in bed, he got confused, and crept into the nursery. The next thing you know, I am having a panic attack and hyper ventilating as I awake from a deep sleep with my husband inches from me reaching out for Emerson.

He does a really good impression.

I just remember not wanting to scream and not being able to fling out my arms because I didn't want to throw Emerson or wake him. It took a matter of time before I could accept the reality of the situation and settle down, although my heart was racing by that point.

Successfully, we did not wake up Emerson, but instead Kyle put him to bed and I put myself to bed.

You should have been there.

Anyway, despite the sleep scare, there have been numerous occasions where I have fallen asleep during the midnight feedings. This is either a sign that I've gotten comfortable with the routine of mothering, or is a true sign of the absolute exhaustion with which I am living my life in a zombie-like state. It is a sad thing that a month ago, Emerson was sleeping from 9-6 without waking, giving me a much needed restful night every night. Then, we returned from Peru, and he has not made it through a night yet.

I want to be the stickler and go back to the sleep-training books I read, letting him cry it out one night and hoping that within a matter of days he learns to make it through the evenings without me. This seems logical as he often falls asleep within minutes of eating anyway, and then seldom notices if I pull the switcheroo and give him the pacifier when I lay him in bed. Then part of me feels like he needs this food to make it through the night, so I don't have the heart (or maybe Kyle doesn't) to sleep through his cries.

So, it is at this point that I am just desperately seeking some good sleep, and have fallen into the stereotypical parenting cliche, going for weeks now without an adequate night's rest, causing carelessness (one broken plate so far), irritability, tears (every day, for any reason), and overall just being unproductive with work and chores.